If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Randomize
