Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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