This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
