is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Randomize
