I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Use "feeling words"
Yay
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize
