M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
Randomize
