This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Randomize
