Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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