Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
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