i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
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