# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Randomize
