I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
