yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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