I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
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