Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize