So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
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