A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
It's official drugs can't kill me
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
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