As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
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