im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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