is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
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