Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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