The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize