I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
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