I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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