I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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