Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Randomize
