I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
