He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
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