Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize