Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
You may now shotgun with the bride
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
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