my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
