I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Randomize
