I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Randomize
