woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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