ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Randomize
