Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
