He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Randomize
