if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Randomize