Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Randomize
