No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
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