so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
please don't ironically join a cult
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