i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Randomize
