don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
