I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
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