East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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