Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Randomize
