I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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