Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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