i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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