fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Randomize
