I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
