That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Randomize