their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
she told me i tasted like america
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Randomize
