Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
