i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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