he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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