I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
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