If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize