I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Randomize
