id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
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