i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
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