I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Randomize
