Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Randomize
