I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
I can't put those talents on a resume
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Randomize
