The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Randomize
