my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
