Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Randomize