If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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