Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
