Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Randomize
