What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
Operation Purity has been aborted
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
