He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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