I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Randomize
