break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
Randomize
