I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
Plan B is the new Plan A
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Randomize
