I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
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