I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
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