im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
Randomize
