there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Randomize
