just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Randomize
