I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
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