Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
