don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
