I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
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