I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
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