All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
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