just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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