I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
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