I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Randomize