Pappa wants mamma naked
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
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