Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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